Post by TR on Jan 17, 2018 6:52:29 GMT
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Full Name: Caedes Messorem
Gender: Male
Age: Six Years
Birthing Season: Winter
Sexuality: Straight
Species: Wolf
Pack: Deceased
Rank: Lone Wolf
PVP Class: Apprentice
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Art by SevenThunderBolts
45" 169 lbs | Neutral | "kay-deez/kah-dez" "mess-o-rem"
A pure black monster of a brute. Back scarred and maimed, hell, a body littered with scars. Burning green gaze. Inward bending ear tips- just like horns. His presence is suffocating, his heavily muscled body - something primal. A beast. And yet there something else under his silent bestial visage. His scars tell of more than just battle wounds, or accidents - he has been tortured before, you can be certain.
PERSONALITY
Caedes was a man of a past filled with suffering, be that suffering his own or that of the victims he would eventually have. Unloved at birth, it was to be later punished for his beating heart that he survived his first few months at all. He was kept locked away, abused and tormented endlessly. Fed scraps that would be rotten or poisoned, he knew what it was to be hated at a young age. But as a child he did not understand completely, and would cry out to his torturers; what had he done? And it would become known to him just why he was so despised. His father was a cruel man, who was not of sound mind; but his followers took his word as law. If Akuji said Caedes was a monster, a demon... then it was true. And so Caedes lived his life in the darkness, festering away with his terrified psyche and growing resentment. Until one day, he broke free. In a fit of violence, in desperation and fear Caedes lashed out. Akuji had been wrong to keep such a 'demon' so close. Caedes left that life behind, with blood dripping from his jaws.
Yet he was damaged. He was scared, and like some victims of such extreme treatment; he reflected what was done to him, on others. It was madness he had slipped into, a kind of coping in which he felt powerful. He was not weak if he was not the victim, and must have been strong... if he were the abuser. That lifestyle went on for years, corrupting him but holding him together at the same time. He began to despite the traits that reminded him of his past self. Innocent, helpless, weak. But he also grew jealous. Why were other's happy, why could they smile, and why could he not feel better even after all that he had done since his escape? This led him to target a wider range of targets, and that eventually led him to the woman he would maim; and then love.
The process was slow, and it was a change that did not occur smoothly. He left behind his malice, he tried to move past his scars; to be better. But he pondered his existence greatly, and felt deeply the weight of his sins. Compartmentalizing those emotions could only help him so much, and without anyone noticing... the armor he'd built up to protect himself began to crack. He would have killed for those who found their way into his heart, he would have turned into a monster to protect them. But that desire to stay by their sides would take its toll. He could not be a monster. He had to work past the conditioning, the predisposition for violence... he had to be more than the beast he was.
He would become an Alpha, a Husband, A Father. And the expectations would only grow. Maybe it was not the desires of his loved ones, for him to change... but it was certainly because of them. His mistakes began to tear away at his soul, his armor would begin to collapse silently. And one day, his Wife vanished. To search for her, he departed from Orcadex; not knowing the state he would return in. Perhaps if he had known, he would have waited for her to return.. but he needed her; he needed the strength she gave him.
Caedes would lose his mind, his memories would fail him, and the person he was would fade away- leaving a husk in its place. As if to curse him, fate would allow him to meet the Woman who would take advantage of him. She would warp him with lies, she would shape him into what she desired. And he would trust every word she spoke, because he had nothing else.
Within the Woman's clutches, Caedes would be broken. He would crumble beneath her torturous conditioning, and he would once again go mad. Rejecting the true loved ones that came to save him, he was lost to them. He was not the one they knew, and they were nothing to him. Yet this would go on for only a few seasons, when the Woman, the Queen, would lose her throne- and then him.
His true self would be restored due to a malicious Spirit's whims, and as he drifted back to himself... back to lucidity; he was stricken by his new sins. He had endured torture once again, he had been a monster once again; and he had enjoyed it all. The guilt weighed heavily on his soul, but he pressed on.. not for himself, but for his loved ones. Though by now he had lost most of them, having turned his back on them in his insanity. During this time, when Caedes had only his adoptive Daughter at his side; he contemplated death. Unable to live normally now, and fearing sleep, fearing many things for they could be the cause of his clarity fading; he fell into depression and anxiety.
But he would find his way back to his Wife, and she would welcome him. They believed it possible to be happy once more, to repair their family. This was a comfort to Caedes, until it wasn't. He began to feel guilt. He thought that his illness was not fair to her, or their children. He was a ticking time bomb, and that was the start of his unbelonging.
It would happen months later. He and his Wife would discover the remains of their Son, and in their grief, terrible words were exchanged. Words of blame. This was their last conversation, and true to his nature Caedes would accept her words. He would treat them as truth, and he would bury their Son alone. In this state of grief and numbness, would he approach his Sister. A woman who promised death should his traitorous hide ever come to her again. But it was what he wanted. And she understood that, as she always had.
Caedes' was destroyed by his desire to change. For in doing so, he would create cracks in the armor of his soul; a soul that was far too fragile to be unprotected. He'd been broken for a long time, and as he faded into oblivion... he welcomed the sleep. He'd just needed some rest, just... a little rest.
Reserved | Intense | Reckless | Self-Blaming | Guilt-ridden | Compulsive
Broken.
HISTORY
>>> summary of his past <<<
Excerpts from Threads Below:
Younger Years
He felt sick. Sick to death with the agony of the past. Of how they would finally unbind him, and allow him a moment of peace - but some of the only relief he ever felt was when his senses were leaving him - when they beat him in droves because he would not bend to their will. The punishment - the words of certain death he prayed to no one that he would hear leave their lips - the last letters he hoped to reach his ears. The sound of the curious voices of onlookers seemed mixed up in one dreamy hum to his fallen form. It conveyed to him - to his soul that he truly was the monster they said he was. Why else would they watch without care? How they saw his blood pour from daily wounds and thought it amusing? Perhaps the fancified view of violence, the excitement of bloodshed blinded them, as it had always blinded him. In the past. For a brief moment; he heard no more. And for a while, he saw nothing but blur and darkness. Then a terrible clarity. He saw the lips of the bloodstained mongrels appearing to him in a different light. And he, with bloodied frame rising - and emerald orbs dazzling with a new thought - did he laugh, With all the force that they had ever inflicted upon him, he laughed and laughed. The grotesqueness of his appearance and intensity of that which his mental break showed - yet beneath even that, and immoveable resolution - the contempt of torture. He struck true, those claws that scratched for leverage upon the earth they threw him, now drained the life from a writhing body. And those lips. All around him. Speaking with disgusted and deadly promises - of curses. Syllables fashioning his name - he shuddered because no sound could ever succeeded the hatred that tinted those words. And for a few moments of delirious horror, he realised that he truly was - a monster.
Meeting Eris
The begging only fueled him to continue his attack on her small frame. His ears seemingly curled in delight at her futile attempts to get him to leave. He knew this must have been terrifying to her, but that's what he wanted. He wanted to scar her for life. He wanted her to remember him. An idea flashed into his mind. Why not scar her body for life? Somewhere everyone will be able to see, claim her pitiful existence. His lips curled further into a psychotic cheshire grin, eyes widening in anticipation at the thought.
He slowly stalked towards her, now that he had a goal in mind- he was focused, calculating - moving before her paralyzed state could even hope to register. Sinking his fangs into the scruff of her neck, he forced her to stand tall. Blood pooling into his mouth with the pressure of his bite, it was difficult letting go, the taste was so sweet. He gave no warning, no second of peace before he sank his fangs into her back - A wound that would leave a large scar, an injury that all would be able to see what he marked as his, proof she was weak. He practically ripped a chunk out of her, continuing to maim the chosen area, holding her down with a great paw once she fell over.
Letting go, blood dripped from his maw, he'd done it. Everyone would be able to see what he'd done. And while she would not know who he was, she would remember this. He grinned, heavy rain would leave no trace of him. Even her blood was beginning to wash away. What a shame.
Change of heart
Caedes was not the type to give up so easily, when he gathered enough strength he would attempt to break free again. The weaker he got, the more certain it was that he would die if he did not get free soon. The girl, she was free, she could end his life on a whim now, she probably would. He knew he would, the chance to kill the ones that caused him pain - it was something he could not pass up. She was wary, even after moving forward once she realized he couldn't move. Green gaze watched her with a quiet knowing, certainly she was going to exact revenge. For in this world, mercy was practically a death sentence. Just as he had not killed her, now she could kill him. That's the way it was, that's what he knew. Perhaps this was the punishment he'd earned, his consequences for everything he'd done. A pang of grief - something he'd only felt in dull repressed quantities. This is not how I wanted to die. Anything but this helplessness. He watched her, she didn't look like the weak whelp he'd brutalized. Not terrified, not shaky. Yes, she was going to kill him. 'Of course it would be you.' Not a stammer, almost dull amusement. He attempted to move once more, only managing to loosen a few rocks. Pointed ebony ears swiveled around to her as she spoke once again. Help. It was true, he did need help. But was she not going to kill him? Wasn't it what she desired? How could she pass up this perfect opportunity of revenge? Confusion - what the actual hell. "What are you." His ideals, his certainty of how the world worked - it was cracking, it would crumble if she continued this.. What was this..? A trick?
The Betrayal
Never had Caedes felt the need to protect Loki, he knew what it was to feel amused and loyal to her - but a certain amount of distance he had always kept himself at. There had been moments he cared, but he also knew he would always die a terrible death. And whatever he did now was no exception to that certainty. Looking at Loki now, he was truly a demon - and if he was then she was indeed a serpent. His gaze was unfaltering, green bore into green, his expression was nothing short of blank silence. His voice was empty, accepting and chilling. "I never once took your generosity for granted. But, you should know, Loki, your followers are the demons you hold close - what could you have expected? Your kingdom is filth enough without me here, how you're not dead yet is beyond my surprise - I once thought you were someone to be respected. Now I'll rejoice when you fall." His trust was something none had ever had since the time of his pup hood, and he almost felt relieved. He had only joined for the amusement afterall. The most he had to lose was his life, and that held little meaning to him now. Severus came soon after her call, and Caedes stood without an ounce of sorrow for what he had done. Arshavir had gone through mere months of what Caedes endured for years - his risk at helping the omega was one he would not apologize for. Yet he kept his mouth shut, Alphas always thought they could tell others to be silent when they were only glorified mutts themselves. But fine, if Severus believed any of her rabble, then it was his own mistake. Instead he stood his ground, not quite certain if he would put up a fight if Severus sought to claim him as a slave - perhaps he deserved to go back to that terrible life. Either way he was certain. Xanthen would pay. He was focusing his anger on her, all his rage, blaming her for things she never did - and for the things she had. "Memento mori, Loki." Perhaps he felt now the same way he had when he first heard the noises of the world, only to realize with age that those amazing sounds had been the cruel words of his parents, condemning him, deciding his fate - hating him. Everyone was the same.
Loki's Death
So many things, so many memories of her training him, her words and her ideals, things he'd found interesting and .. put into words - able to be cherished. He'd respected her ways, her being and the simple things she didn't allow so all who called her Queen could do so without being hunted down. They were all beasts, mongrels standing by her through it all.. And somewhere along the way, she became one of the few he could rely on, someone he trusted with his thoughts - no matter how fractured he told them. But then.. he tried to help someone, the omega. And Loki... Loki treated him as his own father had - like he was nothing . She gave him away, a slave, a chip to use for alliance - property to be labeled as worthless. He hadn't even been successful, and in that moment she cut their bond.
He was sure he would lash out at her, something - yell at her.. but he found himself unable to speak, for the first time Caedes wanted to go to her as if he were a pup - and he did not know why. Yet, that was before Aleksandr stepped into the scene, and in moments - everything, everything he thought and felt just.. vanished. "NO!" As if in slow motion he saw her jump, time came to a screeching halt.. and he tried , he tried to reach her - to somehow grab her scruff before she fell.. before she was gone forever. But he couldn't. He failed. And with an earth shattering bark he watched her fall, "LOKI!" In the end, no matter how little it meant - he did not hate her. And for all the bad she'd done, she was his sister - and she was gone. Emerald eyes stared down, at her body, at all she was - and in a singular moment of overwhelming emotion.. Caedes; the monster, demon - beast, shed a tear.
Proposing to Eris
It could have been something to sudden to say.. But he’d known her for so long - it seemed. In reality it was most likely.. Most definitely more than year? It wasn’t as though he could tell time, or the seasons apart for the most part. With countless encounters, as both friend and foe. It had only been a matter of time. Caedes was the type of man to be simply straight-forward, blunt - rude without meaning to be. He was probably going about this wrong.. But he did not care even so. Seeing her so happy.. Her expression so different from the one she’d showed in their first meeting.. It filled him with hope. Her question struck him, and for a moment he simply stared at her, ”When you need me, call on me. Even when you don’t.. I’ll always be here for you, I can be whatever you want. You have made me what I am now. If you’d like me to stand with you, I will. I.. I will repay the strength you give me.” He turned his gaze away, to her paws - and he smiles with a thoughtful gleam in his eye.. ”I sometimes forget how different we are..” He moved just barely so that one of his paws could nudge her own. The difference in size was quite noticeable, but he still kept the same soft smile on his face, ”You’re stronger than me.” It was contradictory, but the manner in which he said it was undeniably what he truly thought. ”..I love you.” He might not have realized he’d confessed it again so easily, but instead of an awkward feeling - he felt a sort of security. Like in this moment, nothing could take her from him.
Return of Loki
“I don't hate you. I never have.” Those words stayed in his mind, echoed and bounced around in his skull until the feelings of sorrow he’d had since her death had left him believing she’d hated him, were now gone. So simply, but it was as it should be - a few words to ease the mind of a man of few words. She’d said them without indifference, something he wasn’t used to but in the moment he was so glad to hear the emotion in her tone - it made him believe she was speaking the truth that much more. “I know.. I knew you wouldn’t allow someone to take your life.. No one but yourself in that situation..” But knowing, and seeing were two very different things - and it had torn his mind apart for a while. The sense of comfort came when she pressed her head to his shoulder, different from her usual bite - but he allowed and even settled into it while looking off in the distance as if to keep her next words in memory. “I put you in that situation. In all of it.. If I’d never-... No one would have ever started a hunt for you.” He half blurted with a guilty tone in his voice, it was something he needed to know - if she blamed him for the war that nearly happened. “My father, called me a monster before I was ever able to choose my own path, let alone walk. I was so angry.. Because it felt as if you were doing the same as you called for Severus.. but I forgive you, Loki, because you were more family than my blood ever was.” He looked her in the eyes, green meeting green - just like he’d wished to do once again.
An act of cruelty
Caedes was by now glaring at the male, not entirely out of anger but more of annoyance by how the situation was going. A spine wasn't that hard to have, now was it? This was drawing on long enough, and he'd have walked away.. but the boy kept speaking - and with wide eyes Caedes thought.. for a second it sounded as if.. he'd heard that before. 'Please.. I'm no threat to you.' He felt the wind knocked out him - the same pain in his chest as in a previous spar with Eris. A snarl left his maw, eyes squinting as he took a step backwards - his head lowering in response. A memory came forward..One of many that had always left him with the imagined taste of blood in his mouth. 'Please..! Father..No. NO! I'd never hurt you! I-I--..' He so vividly recalled being seized viciously, shook like he was a scrap of meat to a starving animal - and he painfully knew that his swine of a father had thrown him like he was rot.. for speaking out against his routine punishments. '..why..?' Oh yes. He remembered. He remembered all the times he'd begged and pleaded with his father to not hurt him for just one day - the wretched man had always screamed that it was a lie - that the demon Carnage would kill everyone should they let him gain strength.. And you know what? Caedes had lived up to expectation, when he killed the fool for all he'd done. That was the fact, Caedes knew all too well that the weak never lasted long - not unless they changed. "That's funny. That's just what I used to say." Head shaking away his thoughts, but the emotions still there - he decided a course of action. If this boy meant no harm.. Then Caedes would either prove that wrong, or make those words a lie.It was in this moment that something inside of him returned. "If pushed too far.. You'd kill. Anyone would.. to make the switch from prey to predator.Never lie like that, you might just meet someone with experience and a short temper." It could have been just the desire to fight, to hurt another just as he had before.. or maybe he truly did want to help this male. Either way, the beast moved slowly first, a suspenseful silence just before something savage clicked into place. "Consider this a lesson, fight or be helpless!" He growled out, lips curling up, an accent becoming apparent with the difficulty of forming words rather than barbaric noises. His claws dug deep into the snow, kicking up a bit of the frost with the force of his action - and as a testament to his new rank, his tail was curled up over his mauled back. Jaws splayed, his ears flattening in a way that was so rare - not jutting up from his skull like the horns they might as well have been. He was going for the throat, his mind set on pushing the young man to the ground with his weight - splayed legs would halt his charge no matter if his fangs caught air, or flesh. A lesson. Child's play compared to what he himself went through to understand- but one he wanted to teach with a passion. If the boy could not fight, then Caedes would not leave him like he had others - he would make damn sure a change was made.
Change
He felt like a child being scolded. Like he was the younger sibling being harshly comforted by an elder sister. His eyes had found her's at some point, a strained expression on his face as he listened. She made sense despite his turmoil, she spoke order when he created chaos in his own mind. Ironic. He found his scattered thoughts slow and come into focus, not blurred like his internal panic allowed. “You never lie.” Loki didn't, she spoke truth, she spoke it in a way unfettered by anything but her own knowledge and experience. “I always do.” He admitted to both her and himself.. and he still blamed it on his father. “I blame a dead man for everything.” He trembled as he recalled the terrible meeting with Akuji in Valhalla. “He called me weak and I still.. still believe him.” He needed true closure, the kind not given by that blood which had poured into his mouth. “We are not weak. Damaged.. I want to fix that.” Resolve of some kind coming into his tired words, if he could continue believing her words...then what?
"Father"
A loss for words, when he'd only managed to do fetching tasks and watch somewhat helplessly as Eris brought new life into the world. It was on multiple occasions that he thought it would all be at the cost of her own life.. But she made it through. She passed out with squirming newborns at her side- he was in mild shock. He didn't know what to do unless Loki directed him, and it was especially scary when Loki took her leave. He stayed, he stared and he grew even more anxious the longer Eris was unconscious. So to ease his nervous mind he laid down, away from the mass of tiny bodies crawling about Eris, and he guarded over them all.
Becoming an Alpha
Quite frankly, he was not expecting her to ask such a thing of him. Didn't she like being a leader? He mulled it over, coming to the conclusion that this was probably his fault- that his actions had made her want to step down.. but he could not believe that was entirely the case. And as she had said, she wanted to focus on the pups, and maybe she'd had enough of politics. He observed her for a few moments, green meeting gold- and smiled. "In more than one way, this pack changed you. Gave you confidence, built you up to a point where I havent heard you stutter in so long.. but if you want me to take it- then I will. Though I can't say I'll do you proud, I might even ruin this pack.. but I won't refuse." Truth, acceptance, and some amount of happiness tinged his words.
The Truth
There were times Caedes forgot his scars, forgot all the bad in whatever simple moments of happiness he had.. and then there were the times when he was reminded. When memories came flooding back, and a spike of fear pierced his gut. But he had nothing to fear now... The sight of Garmir's almost uncertain expression, the tone asking the question that quite literally hurt. For a moment he was locked in a state of confusion, not entirely sure he was at all there. Then it set in, and instead of lashing out.. he lowered his gaze. Emeralds somber as he put together words, recalled everything he knew and put together of the situation he'd been in. The blunt tone was gone from his voice, and the ever fading tinge of latin accent emerged. “Will the truth somehow set you free? Fine. I made a promise, I’ll keep it.” His eyes moved upwards, locking with Garmir's in a gaze of withheld emotion. He would explain, but he did not fancy the idea of letting the boy see him weak. "My parents were Akuji and Vrah. I was from the youngest litter. Just me. My older siblings were Theron, Daegan, Balthezar, and Renenet. The Glorious Praedatio Family. Warriors, Hunters, Honorable. But ruthless, merciless to their enemies, and unfaltering. Vrah was a woman of a sardonic nature, she neither showed affection for, or gave much in the way of kindness- even to her children. A Viscountess obsessed with possessions and power. Akuji.. A gladiator, they called him. Stoic and ever confident in all that he did. A facade of being the hero. He was nearly worshipped, a pseudo-priest to people that needed a leader. He was given respect, fear, envy. All that he did not deserve, but no one saw his flaws for what they really were. He had a silver-tongue that lied and caressed his way out of anything, he had so many believing he was some deity- a god in a man’s body. They were all fools." He's the one had turned vile, a sharpness that suggested grudge or anger. Unknowingly his claws had begun to dig into the ground below him, now it seemed he was speaking without thought. “When I was born.. apparently he called me a reaper of carnage. 'Caedes Messorem'. For whatever reason, I was a demon sent to ruin everything in his mind. Akuji had one major flaw. Above his hidden cruelty, above his narcissistic nature- He was extremely paranoid. Akuji saw things, he heard things- he felt things that were never truly there. Whatever he thought the moment I was born.. I don't know- but he hated me for it. For all intents and purposes I was worth nothing, I was a slave- but not one of chores or errands. I was a prisoner. I was an enemy. I was tortured relentlessly. Akuji’s persuasive nature became essential, in seeing to it that everyone around him believed I was evil. ‘Carnage the monster.’ ‘the chained up beast.’ ‘a demon deserving death.’ ‘Our punishment.’ I was a child. I underwent treatment that stripped me of any willpower. They starved me, skinned sections of my body, cut whatever they wanted into my flesh. Burning items, sharp ones, dull ones, tearing, slicing -stabbing. Bruising and blisters from bindings- they had multiple ways of torture. Rotting flesh, of wolf or prey became my meals. Sometimes poisoned, but I was never allowed to die, just suffer. Always brought back from the brink, simply to endure more and more. Forced to fight, forced to take beatings - to be humiliated before crowds. All the while I wanted to know, 'Why me?' Time passed. I aged. Adolescence made me unstable, moody and further disliked. I began to want revenge. The teachings were so deeply set into my mind- my flesh. I was only allowed the scraps that caused stunted growth, They believed I fed off negative emotions anyways. I could not leave the cave that was my jail unless dragged out for punishments. The rainwater that fell through the openings of the cavern was often my only source of water. Wounds that were not immediately fatal were left to fester, they thought ‘to weaken the beast is to further control it.’ I was not to be treated with compassion or sympathy. I was not taught to defend myself, I would be going to hell anyways, I would not go unscathed. If I fought back I would be mobbed, ‘a demon against a mortal is despicable.’ If I spoke out of turn, or didn’t respond when spoken to I would be lashed or have my gums cut- after all I surely needed to be reminded that my voice was a privilege. It went on like this for years, but the treatment no longer carved away at my soul. That was gone. It began to feed something else. The demon they had always wanted. I would not be powerless. They raised me. Taught me how ruthless the world was, How dark and cruel it was. And I wanted nothing more than to spread those teachings. To prove that I’d surpassed my days of being weak. To be strong. I lashed out. I fought back. I tortured and maimed in return. I gave them everything they drilled into my mind and soul. And that father of mine, felt no loss of hatred for me, even as I killed him. Even as i never stopped feeling the ingrained terror of being so near the man. Even if those reddened eyes were only lifelessly boring into me. I’d done it. I was free. I was unsatisfied. And it turned into an insatiable need to prove my worth. I wanted to help you, because even while Eris fixed me.. Showed me the errors of my ways- even though I was a monster.. I had every reason to not attack you. But I did. Because you reminded me of my younger self, the one that was beaten and tortured. You never forget what happened to you, It becomes the part of you that cannot change. My father ruined me, broke me- and since then I’ve always wanted to break others. That was my reason. I was hurt. I wanted to hurt others because I was never given a chance. I’ve been one in a mass of vile souls in this world, but maybe I just wanted my punishment to come. If I turned you into me, and I..became..” The twisted, ingrained idea that one day he would be just like his father.
The liar
If one could live their life in a state of disassociation, the utter feeling as if nothing mattered - nothing was truly real.. how long until they too ceased to exist? How long could he go on like this, with his memory becoming a chasm in which everything he'd ever been, and everything he could have been falling so quickly into the void darkness? It was getting worse. Anyone could tell, the space his 'self' had occupied was empty, he wasn't quite in the driver's seat any longer. What else could he do, than to trust a familiar face? 'I will help you, And in time, you will help me in return.' Words had rarely ever given him hope, always lost on his ears that tuned so clearly unto the vile things in this world. There was no true good, any given situation could be soiled. But the Caedes of today knew not these things. HOW FAR HAVE I FALLEN? He had no grand memory loss, no catastrophic loss of who he was.. and yet there was nothing inside of him to deny her next words. 'You've always counted on me, precious... Trust in me, ' For how could he trust himself, the he who was steadily losing bits of memory, the one who barely felt like the past few years ever happened? I CAN'T TRUST MYSELF Her touch to him muzzle registered strangely in his mind, green eyes closing as if to focus in on the sensation before it fled. He remembered.. something similar. Someone he never went against. WHO? But the name was blurred out, and the memories felt far away and unreal. This moment here felt real though. Those jaded forest orbs opened with a dull look, small sparks of credence in his eyes. In the childhood that felt so imaginary, he was someone else's toy, that was the natural state he'd wandered so far from - one he was accustomed to despite escaping it. Plain expression slowly contorted into a conflicted excitement as he observed her own.. resolution. 'Caedes Messorem. Tool, cretan, ghoul. You were so powerful, Caedes, the world in your paws... Come... Come with me, won't you let me remind you? We will give you back your glory... Trust in me.' Ghoul. For as little a grasp as he had on what he was.. ghoul sounded right. Why? He didn't know, maybe he actually didn't want to know. THE TRUTH BEFORE MY EYES But something inside of him needed a meaning, to fill his mind with anything repetitive.. so he wouldn't forget it too. "I.. trust you." Caedes had always been of weak psychological strength, always letting those around him mold his actions - the curse he'd afflicted himself with when he decided to change. "I trust you." He stated more clearly, even while his instincts screamed at him otherwise. After all, he was sick, he needed help.
Never again
'A cave is not your destiny. A cave is your prison. You have a mate and children who are lost to the wilds of this world and if anything you belong to them... not to a meaningless place such as this.' All the words she was speaking, everything, everything was contradicting what he knew.. what he thought he knew. But.. but the idea that Blade had lied, that she wasn't helping him.. "She- she was the only one there, nothing.. I can't REMEMBER!" He was backing away, eyes frantic - the fur along his spine bristling the longer he stared at her. She made him feel like he had to defend himself. '-Trust in me as you always have and lets go. You have a purpose beyond this border, beyond this filthy degradation. Even at my worst, I never let you slip into madness.' Madness? Degradation... the complete opposite of the absolution Blade would promise. "Loki..." His mumbled, the same way he always had, brief recognition in his gaze. He stared in fright the next moment, Was that her name? But she'd never told him..? Then it was gone. "Leave." He turned his back to the woman, hurrying back to his cave.. before Blade noticed he'd been gone. The turmoil within him crumbling and like a fool he clung to what he knew. Making the wrong decision as he had always feared doing in the past.
Vows
As she always was, Blade harshly sunk her fangs into his flesh - a snarl as his jaws shut in acceptance. Pain. He loved it. He loved when it cleared his mind, when she hurt him. ' "Ghoul... Reaper... Caedes- I strip you of your title, 'vassal.'.' Listening with attention unmatched, eyes swirling in hunger for anything she had to say. A combatant. Certainly, he was to be. Yet even if she'd told him to be a healer, he would have. It was Blade's word, which was law to the brute. it's right it's right Obediently he moved with her, raising his chin high, meeting her gaze with every ounce of respect and confidence she'd created within him, yet drenched in his particular obsession. ' You will be my counselor, and mine alone. My consort... Understand?' Slowly, a fire started and burned chaotically in his gaze, the desire to serve her... to be her's. "Yes, yours."The words came ruggedly, a malignant grin contorting his face.. a promise.
Self
Caedes was at a loss. Everything.. Everything. How could he forget. How. How? His pain subsided into fear. What if it happened again. What if he forgot again. So easily… so easily everything slipped from his grasp. He remembered now. He remembered leaving Orcadex in search of Eris, looking for days… with Daedalus following. His eyes widened. He forgot the boy had been following, he lost him! A spike of anger, towards himself. Why had he been such a fool?! But again, his thoughts searched through everything, recalling… the foreign feeling he got from everything as he searched. How nothing added up. And then all of a sudden… he simply wasn’t ‘Caedes’ anymore. Wandering until… Blade found him. She surely knew how to take advantage of the situation. Twisting words, building trust. Torturing him to loops of words, while his mind was akin to comatose. ’Fuck.’ The beast slammed his skull into the ground, his father now gone just as the cloud of his mind was. But for how long? How long was he in control, how long until his brain betrayed him yet again? ’Caedes…? Is… is it you? Are you okay?’ So quickly did the man’s growing rage vanish. A harsh breath leaving his body. Lolita. He hadn’t seen… hadn’t heard from her in so long. His little girl. Yet look at how they were brought together. The things he said to her, the way she looked when he didn’t remember her. A whine left the man, avoiding eye contact. Guilt. And fear. He didn’t know… if this clarity would remain. ’Daddy?’ She called to him, nudging his fallen form. But what could he do? Say? What could he say to any of them? “Don’t.” He finally spoke, the words broken and forced. “Something’s wrong with me. My head, my memories…. My self.” He tried to explain, tried to get her to understand. No matter what he did.. He would always end up as the bad guy, wouldn’t he? First his father, making a killer out of him.. His escape from trauma being vile acts. Then Blade, a tool he was to her. He even… “Everything’s a mess…. Everything.” He wheezed, something like panic in his voice. Finally, he looked Lolita in the eye. And then, he cried. “Lolita..!”
Enough.
Caedes was not kind like his wife was. That had always been evident, and while he had his moments the brute held fast to his gruff nature and the ease in which he could toss morals away if a situation called for it. He was a beast who tore off the hand of his captors over and over again, and the fact that his mind had failed.. that he was made a pet? It stirred a malignant desire within him to utterly destroy Blade.. to make her pay with far more than just her life. Her legacy perhaps. "Fine." He responded to her growl, unwilling to soothe her anger when his own boiled just beneath his flesh. It was disgusting, his memories of his time with the violet woman. He was at his weakest point, mentally. And she fed upon it. Her ghoul, her tool, her trump card. It was fucking infuriating.
Hysteria attempted to take hold of him again as he finished speaking. He could almost imagine the terror take shape as it ate away at him. His mind, probably. It seemed like everything and everyone wanted to fuck with that, right? He returned his gaze to her, ignoring the falls for the moment- what sort of fool would he be to do such a thing in front of his wife?.. The thoughts, the sickness; It was hungry for his demise, and to reject it meant to suffer and prolong the inevitable... but pain was something he was accustomed to. Turbulent emeralds widened as she came closer, and for a moment he stopped breathing. Her paw came to rest upon his own, the action... bringing a memory to the forefront of his mind. He remembered words spoken, and they still rang true. "You’re stronger than me." He would say once again, the fear and the uncertainty that dwelled inside of him, purged at her touch. Her certainty, her confidence, all of it combatted his negative emotions. Was it enough? Was this bond they shared enough? He didn't know, but Caedes was never one to think too much. All he did know was that she had been the first to truly love him, and she proved it time and time again. "I still love you." The words fell from his scarred maw, entirely because she was and had always been the keeper of his heart. As ruined as it was, it was only for her. There had been many times where he denied being worthy of her, and a few moments when he tried to force her away with harsh words. 'It was all a game.' 'I'm a demon.' 'I'll only hurt you.' He remembered his cruelty as he stared into her golden eyes. After all their history together, he did not want to doubt her.. or push her away when he needed her the most. "I trust you. Always." Caedes said, making his choice; knowing it was the right one this time.
Grave.
Her snarl shook him to the core, and it rocked the very foundation of his world. It was impossible, but it had happened. Eris had never gotten so angry at him. But at the same time, she had never been blindly devoted to him. This was not so impossible as he would have believed so many seasons ago, in fact.. this was just right. However the words she said next destroyed him. 'You killed our son.' As if he had not blamed himself enough, as if he needed the words to strike him down. But Caedes was steadfast. So close to collapse, yet taking her words standing up. She was allowed to do this. She was allowed to be angry at him, to curse him, to hate him. All he could do was take her harsh words and hope it made her feel better.
And one she'd gone, he would take great care in giving their son a proper grave. Thinking all the while, how horrible it really was.. to bury your own child. One that should have lived long after both he and Eris had gone. Maybe it would've been easier if Eris had stayed, but the task of saying goodbye... of begging forgiveness before a grave marker fell to him. It all but killed him.
Last Rite
And so... as he did every time Loki had him by the throat, he unwound the thread of his soul and lay himself bare at the edge of her claws. The serpent remained where she was, skull pressed against his own, a mixture of blood and pain between them and she listened, the priest to his last rite and perhaps the only entity in this world or the next that could understand his lament in its entire fruition. She let him get it all out, she let him spill his soul like drops of acid but instead of burning her flesh, it only absorbed and twined into her bones. It strengthened her. It hardened her. It eradicated the last of her weakness, the last of her compassion and light and when he was done... the serpent drew back. Two pools of liquid, bubbling poison bore down on him with all the venom of heartless soul possessed. "Now you understand. You know the sharp cut of betrayal, the lingering toxic venom it leaves behind. Of all your sins, of all your regrets, I will always be your greatest... in this life and the next because I am the only one who embraced for what you were, not what you could be."
Loki dipped her skull, hot breath fanning across his flesh as she whispered in his ear. "I don't forgive you... but we're even." The tears had dried up, the emotions all but evaporated in a desert storm and in their place returned the malicious venom that fueled the core of the blackened serpent. She gave him one last breath, one last divine inhale and then... she struck, her jaws splayed wide, her teeth tore into flesh and muscle and in one condemning bite she divested him of jugular and trachea. She drew back, dropping the remnants of sinew and organ like a macabre painting but unlike she who died alone.... she stayed and watched until her brother drew his last breath and lay still. The beginning of her vengeance started here and from this point, it would only grow more cold. The serpent twisted, drenched in his blood, drenched in his death and made her way back to her den... the trail of blood marking her way home.
FAMILY TREE
Mother: Vrah Praedātiō, deceased- killed by Caedes.
Father: Akuji Praedātiō, deceased- killed by Caedes.
Siblings: No littermates. Half siblings on his father's side. Full siblings include: Theron Praedātiō, alive. Daegan Praedātiō, alive. Balthezar Praedātiō, alive. Renenet Praedātiō, alive.
Mate: Eris
-Previous Mate(s): -
Offspring: (Litter w/ ?)
, alive. (Litter w/ Eris) Crescentius, alive. Daedalus, alive. Bellatrix, alive. Dionysus, deceased. Sebastian, alive. Kelpie, alive. (Litter w/ Blade Saxe) Ravana, deceased. Lykaon, alive. Elvira, deceased. Leviticus, deceased.
-Adoptive Family: Lolita, alive. Loki, alive. Sleipnir, alive.
Other: Those with the last name of "Messor", Akuji’s disowned brother's side of the family.
THREADS
Last rite: www.practiceboard.com/834371ab
TABLES:
Dead cae: www.practiceboard.com/45deae3c
weak&powerless: www.practiceboard.com/510af2d7
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Full Name: Caedes Messorem
Gender: Male
Age: Six Years
Birthing Season: Winter
Sexuality: Straight
Species: Wolf
Pack: Deceased
Rank: Lone Wolf
PVP Class: Apprentice
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Art by SevenThunderBolts
45" 169 lbs | Neutral | "kay-deez/kah-dez" "mess-o-rem"
A pure black monster of a brute. Back scarred and maimed, hell, a body littered with scars. Burning green gaze. Inward bending ear tips- just like horns. His presence is suffocating, his heavily muscled body - something primal. A beast. And yet there something else under his silent bestial visage. His scars tell of more than just battle wounds, or accidents - he has been tortured before, you can be certain.
PERSONALITY
Caedes was a man of a past filled with suffering, be that suffering his own or that of the victims he would eventually have. Unloved at birth, it was to be later punished for his beating heart that he survived his first few months at all. He was kept locked away, abused and tormented endlessly. Fed scraps that would be rotten or poisoned, he knew what it was to be hated at a young age. But as a child he did not understand completely, and would cry out to his torturers; what had he done? And it would become known to him just why he was so despised. His father was a cruel man, who was not of sound mind; but his followers took his word as law. If Akuji said Caedes was a monster, a demon... then it was true. And so Caedes lived his life in the darkness, festering away with his terrified psyche and growing resentment. Until one day, he broke free. In a fit of violence, in desperation and fear Caedes lashed out. Akuji had been wrong to keep such a 'demon' so close. Caedes left that life behind, with blood dripping from his jaws.
Yet he was damaged. He was scared, and like some victims of such extreme treatment; he reflected what was done to him, on others. It was madness he had slipped into, a kind of coping in which he felt powerful. He was not weak if he was not the victim, and must have been strong... if he were the abuser. That lifestyle went on for years, corrupting him but holding him together at the same time. He began to despite the traits that reminded him of his past self. Innocent, helpless, weak. But he also grew jealous. Why were other's happy, why could they smile, and why could he not feel better even after all that he had done since his escape? This led him to target a wider range of targets, and that eventually led him to the woman he would maim; and then love.
The process was slow, and it was a change that did not occur smoothly. He left behind his malice, he tried to move past his scars; to be better. But he pondered his existence greatly, and felt deeply the weight of his sins. Compartmentalizing those emotions could only help him so much, and without anyone noticing... the armor he'd built up to protect himself began to crack. He would have killed for those who found their way into his heart, he would have turned into a monster to protect them. But that desire to stay by their sides would take its toll. He could not be a monster. He had to work past the conditioning, the predisposition for violence... he had to be more than the beast he was.
He would become an Alpha, a Husband, A Father. And the expectations would only grow. Maybe it was not the desires of his loved ones, for him to change... but it was certainly because of them. His mistakes began to tear away at his soul, his armor would begin to collapse silently. And one day, his Wife vanished. To search for her, he departed from Orcadex; not knowing the state he would return in. Perhaps if he had known, he would have waited for her to return.. but he needed her; he needed the strength she gave him.
Caedes would lose his mind, his memories would fail him, and the person he was would fade away- leaving a husk in its place. As if to curse him, fate would allow him to meet the Woman who would take advantage of him. She would warp him with lies, she would shape him into what she desired. And he would trust every word she spoke, because he had nothing else.
Within the Woman's clutches, Caedes would be broken. He would crumble beneath her torturous conditioning, and he would once again go mad. Rejecting the true loved ones that came to save him, he was lost to them. He was not the one they knew, and they were nothing to him. Yet this would go on for only a few seasons, when the Woman, the Queen, would lose her throne- and then him.
His true self would be restored due to a malicious Spirit's whims, and as he drifted back to himself... back to lucidity; he was stricken by his new sins. He had endured torture once again, he had been a monster once again; and he had enjoyed it all. The guilt weighed heavily on his soul, but he pressed on.. not for himself, but for his loved ones. Though by now he had lost most of them, having turned his back on them in his insanity. During this time, when Caedes had only his adoptive Daughter at his side; he contemplated death. Unable to live normally now, and fearing sleep, fearing many things for they could be the cause of his clarity fading; he fell into depression and anxiety.
But he would find his way back to his Wife, and she would welcome him. They believed it possible to be happy once more, to repair their family. This was a comfort to Caedes, until it wasn't. He began to feel guilt. He thought that his illness was not fair to her, or their children. He was a ticking time bomb, and that was the start of his unbelonging.
It would happen months later. He and his Wife would discover the remains of their Son, and in their grief, terrible words were exchanged. Words of blame. This was their last conversation, and true to his nature Caedes would accept her words. He would treat them as truth, and he would bury their Son alone. In this state of grief and numbness, would he approach his Sister. A woman who promised death should his traitorous hide ever come to her again. But it was what he wanted. And she understood that, as she always had.
Caedes' was destroyed by his desire to change. For in doing so, he would create cracks in the armor of his soul; a soul that was far too fragile to be unprotected. He'd been broken for a long time, and as he faded into oblivion... he welcomed the sleep. He'd just needed some rest, just... a little rest.
Reserved | Intense | Reckless | Self-Blaming | Guilt-ridden | Compulsive
Broken.
HISTORY
>>> summary of his past <<<
Excerpts from Threads Below:
Younger Years
He felt sick. Sick to death with the agony of the past. Of how they would finally unbind him, and allow him a moment of peace - but some of the only relief he ever felt was when his senses were leaving him - when they beat him in droves because he would not bend to their will. The punishment - the words of certain death he prayed to no one that he would hear leave their lips - the last letters he hoped to reach his ears. The sound of the curious voices of onlookers seemed mixed up in one dreamy hum to his fallen form. It conveyed to him - to his soul that he truly was the monster they said he was. Why else would they watch without care? How they saw his blood pour from daily wounds and thought it amusing? Perhaps the fancified view of violence, the excitement of bloodshed blinded them, as it had always blinded him. In the past. For a brief moment; he heard no more. And for a while, he saw nothing but blur and darkness. Then a terrible clarity. He saw the lips of the bloodstained mongrels appearing to him in a different light. And he, with bloodied frame rising - and emerald orbs dazzling with a new thought - did he laugh, With all the force that they had ever inflicted upon him, he laughed and laughed. The grotesqueness of his appearance and intensity of that which his mental break showed - yet beneath even that, and immoveable resolution - the contempt of torture. He struck true, those claws that scratched for leverage upon the earth they threw him, now drained the life from a writhing body. And those lips. All around him. Speaking with disgusted and deadly promises - of curses. Syllables fashioning his name - he shuddered because no sound could ever succeeded the hatred that tinted those words. And for a few moments of delirious horror, he realised that he truly was - a monster.
Meeting Eris
The begging only fueled him to continue his attack on her small frame. His ears seemingly curled in delight at her futile attempts to get him to leave. He knew this must have been terrifying to her, but that's what he wanted. He wanted to scar her for life. He wanted her to remember him. An idea flashed into his mind. Why not scar her body for life? Somewhere everyone will be able to see, claim her pitiful existence. His lips curled further into a psychotic cheshire grin, eyes widening in anticipation at the thought.
He slowly stalked towards her, now that he had a goal in mind- he was focused, calculating - moving before her paralyzed state could even hope to register. Sinking his fangs into the scruff of her neck, he forced her to stand tall. Blood pooling into his mouth with the pressure of his bite, it was difficult letting go, the taste was so sweet. He gave no warning, no second of peace before he sank his fangs into her back - A wound that would leave a large scar, an injury that all would be able to see what he marked as his, proof she was weak. He practically ripped a chunk out of her, continuing to maim the chosen area, holding her down with a great paw once she fell over.
Letting go, blood dripped from his maw, he'd done it. Everyone would be able to see what he'd done. And while she would not know who he was, she would remember this. He grinned, heavy rain would leave no trace of him. Even her blood was beginning to wash away. What a shame.
Change of heart
Caedes was not the type to give up so easily, when he gathered enough strength he would attempt to break free again. The weaker he got, the more certain it was that he would die if he did not get free soon. The girl, she was free, she could end his life on a whim now, she probably would. He knew he would, the chance to kill the ones that caused him pain - it was something he could not pass up. She was wary, even after moving forward once she realized he couldn't move. Green gaze watched her with a quiet knowing, certainly she was going to exact revenge. For in this world, mercy was practically a death sentence. Just as he had not killed her, now she could kill him. That's the way it was, that's what he knew. Perhaps this was the punishment he'd earned, his consequences for everything he'd done. A pang of grief - something he'd only felt in dull repressed quantities. This is not how I wanted to die. Anything but this helplessness. He watched her, she didn't look like the weak whelp he'd brutalized. Not terrified, not shaky. Yes, she was going to kill him. 'Of course it would be you.' Not a stammer, almost dull amusement. He attempted to move once more, only managing to loosen a few rocks. Pointed ebony ears swiveled around to her as she spoke once again. Help. It was true, he did need help. But was she not going to kill him? Wasn't it what she desired? How could she pass up this perfect opportunity of revenge? Confusion - what the actual hell. "What are you." His ideals, his certainty of how the world worked - it was cracking, it would crumble if she continued this.. What was this..? A trick?
The Betrayal
Never had Caedes felt the need to protect Loki, he knew what it was to feel amused and loyal to her - but a certain amount of distance he had always kept himself at. There had been moments he cared, but he also knew he would always die a terrible death. And whatever he did now was no exception to that certainty. Looking at Loki now, he was truly a demon - and if he was then she was indeed a serpent. His gaze was unfaltering, green bore into green, his expression was nothing short of blank silence. His voice was empty, accepting and chilling. "I never once took your generosity for granted. But, you should know, Loki, your followers are the demons you hold close - what could you have expected? Your kingdom is filth enough without me here, how you're not dead yet is beyond my surprise - I once thought you were someone to be respected. Now I'll rejoice when you fall." His trust was something none had ever had since the time of his pup hood, and he almost felt relieved. He had only joined for the amusement afterall. The most he had to lose was his life, and that held little meaning to him now. Severus came soon after her call, and Caedes stood without an ounce of sorrow for what he had done. Arshavir had gone through mere months of what Caedes endured for years - his risk at helping the omega was one he would not apologize for. Yet he kept his mouth shut, Alphas always thought they could tell others to be silent when they were only glorified mutts themselves. But fine, if Severus believed any of her rabble, then it was his own mistake. Instead he stood his ground, not quite certain if he would put up a fight if Severus sought to claim him as a slave - perhaps he deserved to go back to that terrible life. Either way he was certain. Xanthen would pay. He was focusing his anger on her, all his rage, blaming her for things she never did - and for the things she had. "Memento mori, Loki." Perhaps he felt now the same way he had when he first heard the noises of the world, only to realize with age that those amazing sounds had been the cruel words of his parents, condemning him, deciding his fate - hating him. Everyone was the same.
Loki's Death
So many things, so many memories of her training him, her words and her ideals, things he'd found interesting and .. put into words - able to be cherished. He'd respected her ways, her being and the simple things she didn't allow so all who called her Queen could do so without being hunted down. They were all beasts, mongrels standing by her through it all.. And somewhere along the way, she became one of the few he could rely on, someone he trusted with his thoughts - no matter how fractured he told them. But then.. he tried to help someone, the omega. And Loki... Loki treated him as his own father had - like he was nothing . She gave him away, a slave, a chip to use for alliance - property to be labeled as worthless. He hadn't even been successful, and in that moment she cut their bond.
He was sure he would lash out at her, something - yell at her.. but he found himself unable to speak, for the first time Caedes wanted to go to her as if he were a pup - and he did not know why. Yet, that was before Aleksandr stepped into the scene, and in moments - everything, everything he thought and felt just.. vanished. "NO!" As if in slow motion he saw her jump, time came to a screeching halt.. and he tried , he tried to reach her - to somehow grab her scruff before she fell.. before she was gone forever. But he couldn't. He failed. And with an earth shattering bark he watched her fall, "LOKI!" In the end, no matter how little it meant - he did not hate her. And for all the bad she'd done, she was his sister - and she was gone. Emerald eyes stared down, at her body, at all she was - and in a singular moment of overwhelming emotion.. Caedes; the monster, demon - beast, shed a tear.
Proposing to Eris
It could have been something to sudden to say.. But he’d known her for so long - it seemed. In reality it was most likely.. Most definitely more than year? It wasn’t as though he could tell time, or the seasons apart for the most part. With countless encounters, as both friend and foe. It had only been a matter of time. Caedes was the type of man to be simply straight-forward, blunt - rude without meaning to be. He was probably going about this wrong.. But he did not care even so. Seeing her so happy.. Her expression so different from the one she’d showed in their first meeting.. It filled him with hope. Her question struck him, and for a moment he simply stared at her, ”When you need me, call on me. Even when you don’t.. I’ll always be here for you, I can be whatever you want. You have made me what I am now. If you’d like me to stand with you, I will. I.. I will repay the strength you give me.” He turned his gaze away, to her paws - and he smiles with a thoughtful gleam in his eye.. ”I sometimes forget how different we are..” He moved just barely so that one of his paws could nudge her own. The difference in size was quite noticeable, but he still kept the same soft smile on his face, ”You’re stronger than me.” It was contradictory, but the manner in which he said it was undeniably what he truly thought. ”..I love you.” He might not have realized he’d confessed it again so easily, but instead of an awkward feeling - he felt a sort of security. Like in this moment, nothing could take her from him.
Return of Loki
“I don't hate you. I never have.” Those words stayed in his mind, echoed and bounced around in his skull until the feelings of sorrow he’d had since her death had left him believing she’d hated him, were now gone. So simply, but it was as it should be - a few words to ease the mind of a man of few words. She’d said them without indifference, something he wasn’t used to but in the moment he was so glad to hear the emotion in her tone - it made him believe she was speaking the truth that much more. “I know.. I knew you wouldn’t allow someone to take your life.. No one but yourself in that situation..” But knowing, and seeing were two very different things - and it had torn his mind apart for a while. The sense of comfort came when she pressed her head to his shoulder, different from her usual bite - but he allowed and even settled into it while looking off in the distance as if to keep her next words in memory. “I put you in that situation. In all of it.. If I’d never-... No one would have ever started a hunt for you.” He half blurted with a guilty tone in his voice, it was something he needed to know - if she blamed him for the war that nearly happened. “My father, called me a monster before I was ever able to choose my own path, let alone walk. I was so angry.. Because it felt as if you were doing the same as you called for Severus.. but I forgive you, Loki, because you were more family than my blood ever was.” He looked her in the eyes, green meeting green - just like he’d wished to do once again.
An act of cruelty
Caedes was by now glaring at the male, not entirely out of anger but more of annoyance by how the situation was going. A spine wasn't that hard to have, now was it? This was drawing on long enough, and he'd have walked away.. but the boy kept speaking - and with wide eyes Caedes thought.. for a second it sounded as if.. he'd heard that before. 'Please.. I'm no threat to you.' He felt the wind knocked out him - the same pain in his chest as in a previous spar with Eris. A snarl left his maw, eyes squinting as he took a step backwards - his head lowering in response. A memory came forward..One of many that had always left him with the imagined taste of blood in his mouth. 'Please..! Father..No. NO! I'd never hurt you! I-I--..' He so vividly recalled being seized viciously, shook like he was a scrap of meat to a starving animal - and he painfully knew that his swine of a father had thrown him like he was rot.. for speaking out against his routine punishments. '..why..?' Oh yes. He remembered. He remembered all the times he'd begged and pleaded with his father to not hurt him for just one day - the wretched man had always screamed that it was a lie - that the demon Carnage would kill everyone should they let him gain strength.. And you know what? Caedes had lived up to expectation, when he killed the fool for all he'd done. That was the fact, Caedes knew all too well that the weak never lasted long - not unless they changed. "That's funny. That's just what I used to say." Head shaking away his thoughts, but the emotions still there - he decided a course of action. If this boy meant no harm.. Then Caedes would either prove that wrong, or make those words a lie.It was in this moment that something inside of him returned. "If pushed too far.. You'd kill. Anyone would.. to make the switch from prey to predator.Never lie like that, you might just meet someone with experience and a short temper." It could have been just the desire to fight, to hurt another just as he had before.. or maybe he truly did want to help this male. Either way, the beast moved slowly first, a suspenseful silence just before something savage clicked into place. "Consider this a lesson, fight or be helpless!" He growled out, lips curling up, an accent becoming apparent with the difficulty of forming words rather than barbaric noises. His claws dug deep into the snow, kicking up a bit of the frost with the force of his action - and as a testament to his new rank, his tail was curled up over his mauled back. Jaws splayed, his ears flattening in a way that was so rare - not jutting up from his skull like the horns they might as well have been. He was going for the throat, his mind set on pushing the young man to the ground with his weight - splayed legs would halt his charge no matter if his fangs caught air, or flesh. A lesson. Child's play compared to what he himself went through to understand- but one he wanted to teach with a passion. If the boy could not fight, then Caedes would not leave him like he had others - he would make damn sure a change was made.
Change
He felt like a child being scolded. Like he was the younger sibling being harshly comforted by an elder sister. His eyes had found her's at some point, a strained expression on his face as he listened. She made sense despite his turmoil, she spoke order when he created chaos in his own mind. Ironic. He found his scattered thoughts slow and come into focus, not blurred like his internal panic allowed. “You never lie.” Loki didn't, she spoke truth, she spoke it in a way unfettered by anything but her own knowledge and experience. “I always do.” He admitted to both her and himself.. and he still blamed it on his father. “I blame a dead man for everything.” He trembled as he recalled the terrible meeting with Akuji in Valhalla. “He called me weak and I still.. still believe him.” He needed true closure, the kind not given by that blood which had poured into his mouth. “We are not weak. Damaged.. I want to fix that.” Resolve of some kind coming into his tired words, if he could continue believing her words...then what?
"Father"
A loss for words, when he'd only managed to do fetching tasks and watch somewhat helplessly as Eris brought new life into the world. It was on multiple occasions that he thought it would all be at the cost of her own life.. But she made it through. She passed out with squirming newborns at her side- he was in mild shock. He didn't know what to do unless Loki directed him, and it was especially scary when Loki took her leave. He stayed, he stared and he grew even more anxious the longer Eris was unconscious. So to ease his nervous mind he laid down, away from the mass of tiny bodies crawling about Eris, and he guarded over them all.
Becoming an Alpha
Quite frankly, he was not expecting her to ask such a thing of him. Didn't she like being a leader? He mulled it over, coming to the conclusion that this was probably his fault- that his actions had made her want to step down.. but he could not believe that was entirely the case. And as she had said, she wanted to focus on the pups, and maybe she'd had enough of politics. He observed her for a few moments, green meeting gold- and smiled. "In more than one way, this pack changed you. Gave you confidence, built you up to a point where I havent heard you stutter in so long.. but if you want me to take it- then I will. Though I can't say I'll do you proud, I might even ruin this pack.. but I won't refuse." Truth, acceptance, and some amount of happiness tinged his words.
The Truth
There were times Caedes forgot his scars, forgot all the bad in whatever simple moments of happiness he had.. and then there were the times when he was reminded. When memories came flooding back, and a spike of fear pierced his gut. But he had nothing to fear now... The sight of Garmir's almost uncertain expression, the tone asking the question that quite literally hurt. For a moment he was locked in a state of confusion, not entirely sure he was at all there. Then it set in, and instead of lashing out.. he lowered his gaze. Emeralds somber as he put together words, recalled everything he knew and put together of the situation he'd been in. The blunt tone was gone from his voice, and the ever fading tinge of latin accent emerged. “Will the truth somehow set you free? Fine. I made a promise, I’ll keep it.” His eyes moved upwards, locking with Garmir's in a gaze of withheld emotion. He would explain, but he did not fancy the idea of letting the boy see him weak. "My parents were Akuji and Vrah. I was from the youngest litter. Just me. My older siblings were Theron, Daegan, Balthezar, and Renenet. The Glorious Praedatio Family. Warriors, Hunters, Honorable. But ruthless, merciless to their enemies, and unfaltering. Vrah was a woman of a sardonic nature, she neither showed affection for, or gave much in the way of kindness- even to her children. A Viscountess obsessed with possessions and power. Akuji.. A gladiator, they called him. Stoic and ever confident in all that he did. A facade of being the hero. He was nearly worshipped, a pseudo-priest to people that needed a leader. He was given respect, fear, envy. All that he did not deserve, but no one saw his flaws for what they really were. He had a silver-tongue that lied and caressed his way out of anything, he had so many believing he was some deity- a god in a man’s body. They were all fools." He's the one had turned vile, a sharpness that suggested grudge or anger. Unknowingly his claws had begun to dig into the ground below him, now it seemed he was speaking without thought. “When I was born.. apparently he called me a reaper of carnage. 'Caedes Messorem'. For whatever reason, I was a demon sent to ruin everything in his mind. Akuji had one major flaw. Above his hidden cruelty, above his narcissistic nature- He was extremely paranoid. Akuji saw things, he heard things- he felt things that were never truly there. Whatever he thought the moment I was born.. I don't know- but he hated me for it. For all intents and purposes I was worth nothing, I was a slave- but not one of chores or errands. I was a prisoner. I was an enemy. I was tortured relentlessly. Akuji’s persuasive nature became essential, in seeing to it that everyone around him believed I was evil. ‘Carnage the monster.’ ‘the chained up beast.’ ‘a demon deserving death.’ ‘Our punishment.’ I was a child. I underwent treatment that stripped me of any willpower. They starved me, skinned sections of my body, cut whatever they wanted into my flesh. Burning items, sharp ones, dull ones, tearing, slicing -stabbing. Bruising and blisters from bindings- they had multiple ways of torture. Rotting flesh, of wolf or prey became my meals. Sometimes poisoned, but I was never allowed to die, just suffer. Always brought back from the brink, simply to endure more and more. Forced to fight, forced to take beatings - to be humiliated before crowds. All the while I wanted to know, 'Why me?' Time passed. I aged. Adolescence made me unstable, moody and further disliked. I began to want revenge. The teachings were so deeply set into my mind- my flesh. I was only allowed the scraps that caused stunted growth, They believed I fed off negative emotions anyways. I could not leave the cave that was my jail unless dragged out for punishments. The rainwater that fell through the openings of the cavern was often my only source of water. Wounds that were not immediately fatal were left to fester, they thought ‘to weaken the beast is to further control it.’ I was not to be treated with compassion or sympathy. I was not taught to defend myself, I would be going to hell anyways, I would not go unscathed. If I fought back I would be mobbed, ‘a demon against a mortal is despicable.’ If I spoke out of turn, or didn’t respond when spoken to I would be lashed or have my gums cut- after all I surely needed to be reminded that my voice was a privilege. It went on like this for years, but the treatment no longer carved away at my soul. That was gone. It began to feed something else. The demon they had always wanted. I would not be powerless. They raised me. Taught me how ruthless the world was, How dark and cruel it was. And I wanted nothing more than to spread those teachings. To prove that I’d surpassed my days of being weak. To be strong. I lashed out. I fought back. I tortured and maimed in return. I gave them everything they drilled into my mind and soul. And that father of mine, felt no loss of hatred for me, even as I killed him. Even as i never stopped feeling the ingrained terror of being so near the man. Even if those reddened eyes were only lifelessly boring into me. I’d done it. I was free. I was unsatisfied. And it turned into an insatiable need to prove my worth. I wanted to help you, because even while Eris fixed me.. Showed me the errors of my ways- even though I was a monster.. I had every reason to not attack you. But I did. Because you reminded me of my younger self, the one that was beaten and tortured. You never forget what happened to you, It becomes the part of you that cannot change. My father ruined me, broke me- and since then I’ve always wanted to break others. That was my reason. I was hurt. I wanted to hurt others because I was never given a chance. I’ve been one in a mass of vile souls in this world, but maybe I just wanted my punishment to come. If I turned you into me, and I..became..” The twisted, ingrained idea that one day he would be just like his father.
The liar
If one could live their life in a state of disassociation, the utter feeling as if nothing mattered - nothing was truly real.. how long until they too ceased to exist? How long could he go on like this, with his memory becoming a chasm in which everything he'd ever been, and everything he could have been falling so quickly into the void darkness? It was getting worse. Anyone could tell, the space his 'self' had occupied was empty, he wasn't quite in the driver's seat any longer. What else could he do, than to trust a familiar face? 'I will help you, And in time, you will help me in return.' Words had rarely ever given him hope, always lost on his ears that tuned so clearly unto the vile things in this world. There was no true good, any given situation could be soiled. But the Caedes of today knew not these things. HOW FAR HAVE I FALLEN? He had no grand memory loss, no catastrophic loss of who he was.. and yet there was nothing inside of him to deny her next words. 'You've always counted on me, precious... Trust in me, ' For how could he trust himself, the he who was steadily losing bits of memory, the one who barely felt like the past few years ever happened? I CAN'T TRUST MYSELF Her touch to him muzzle registered strangely in his mind, green eyes closing as if to focus in on the sensation before it fled. He remembered.. something similar. Someone he never went against. WHO? But the name was blurred out, and the memories felt far away and unreal. This moment here felt real though. Those jaded forest orbs opened with a dull look, small sparks of credence in his eyes. In the childhood that felt so imaginary, he was someone else's toy, that was the natural state he'd wandered so far from - one he was accustomed to despite escaping it. Plain expression slowly contorted into a conflicted excitement as he observed her own.. resolution. 'Caedes Messorem. Tool, cretan, ghoul. You were so powerful, Caedes, the world in your paws... Come... Come with me, won't you let me remind you? We will give you back your glory... Trust in me.' Ghoul. For as little a grasp as he had on what he was.. ghoul sounded right. Why? He didn't know, maybe he actually didn't want to know. THE TRUTH BEFORE MY EYES But something inside of him needed a meaning, to fill his mind with anything repetitive.. so he wouldn't forget it too. "I.. trust you." Caedes had always been of weak psychological strength, always letting those around him mold his actions - the curse he'd afflicted himself with when he decided to change. "I trust you." He stated more clearly, even while his instincts screamed at him otherwise. After all, he was sick, he needed help.
Never again
'A cave is not your destiny. A cave is your prison. You have a mate and children who are lost to the wilds of this world and if anything you belong to them... not to a meaningless place such as this.' All the words she was speaking, everything, everything was contradicting what he knew.. what he thought he knew. But.. but the idea that Blade had lied, that she wasn't helping him.. "She- she was the only one there, nothing.. I can't REMEMBER!" He was backing away, eyes frantic - the fur along his spine bristling the longer he stared at her. She made him feel like he had to defend himself. '-Trust in me as you always have and lets go. You have a purpose beyond this border, beyond this filthy degradation. Even at my worst, I never let you slip into madness.' Madness? Degradation... the complete opposite of the absolution Blade would promise. "Loki..." His mumbled, the same way he always had, brief recognition in his gaze. He stared in fright the next moment, Was that her name? But she'd never told him..? Then it was gone. "Leave." He turned his back to the woman, hurrying back to his cave.. before Blade noticed he'd been gone. The turmoil within him crumbling and like a fool he clung to what he knew. Making the wrong decision as he had always feared doing in the past.
Vows
As she always was, Blade harshly sunk her fangs into his flesh - a snarl as his jaws shut in acceptance. Pain. He loved it. He loved when it cleared his mind, when she hurt him. ' "Ghoul... Reaper... Caedes- I strip you of your title, 'vassal.'.' Listening with attention unmatched, eyes swirling in hunger for anything she had to say. A combatant. Certainly, he was to be. Yet even if she'd told him to be a healer, he would have. It was Blade's word, which was law to the brute. it's right it's right Obediently he moved with her, raising his chin high, meeting her gaze with every ounce of respect and confidence she'd created within him, yet drenched in his particular obsession. ' You will be my counselor, and mine alone. My consort... Understand?' Slowly, a fire started and burned chaotically in his gaze, the desire to serve her... to be her's. "Yes, yours."The words came ruggedly, a malignant grin contorting his face.. a promise.
Self
Caedes was at a loss. Everything.. Everything. How could he forget. How. How? His pain subsided into fear. What if it happened again. What if he forgot again. So easily… so easily everything slipped from his grasp. He remembered now. He remembered leaving Orcadex in search of Eris, looking for days… with Daedalus following. His eyes widened. He forgot the boy had been following, he lost him! A spike of anger, towards himself. Why had he been such a fool?! But again, his thoughts searched through everything, recalling… the foreign feeling he got from everything as he searched. How nothing added up. And then all of a sudden… he simply wasn’t ‘Caedes’ anymore. Wandering until… Blade found him. She surely knew how to take advantage of the situation. Twisting words, building trust. Torturing him to loops of words, while his mind was akin to comatose. ’Fuck.’ The beast slammed his skull into the ground, his father now gone just as the cloud of his mind was. But for how long? How long was he in control, how long until his brain betrayed him yet again? ’Caedes…? Is… is it you? Are you okay?’ So quickly did the man’s growing rage vanish. A harsh breath leaving his body. Lolita. He hadn’t seen… hadn’t heard from her in so long. His little girl. Yet look at how they were brought together. The things he said to her, the way she looked when he didn’t remember her. A whine left the man, avoiding eye contact. Guilt. And fear. He didn’t know… if this clarity would remain. ’Daddy?’ She called to him, nudging his fallen form. But what could he do? Say? What could he say to any of them? “Don’t.” He finally spoke, the words broken and forced. “Something’s wrong with me. My head, my memories…. My self.” He tried to explain, tried to get her to understand. No matter what he did.. He would always end up as the bad guy, wouldn’t he? First his father, making a killer out of him.. His escape from trauma being vile acts. Then Blade, a tool he was to her. He even… “Everything’s a mess…. Everything.” He wheezed, something like panic in his voice. Finally, he looked Lolita in the eye. And then, he cried. “Lolita..!”
Enough.
Caedes was not kind like his wife was. That had always been evident, and while he had his moments the brute held fast to his gruff nature and the ease in which he could toss morals away if a situation called for it. He was a beast who tore off the hand of his captors over and over again, and the fact that his mind had failed.. that he was made a pet? It stirred a malignant desire within him to utterly destroy Blade.. to make her pay with far more than just her life. Her legacy perhaps. "Fine." He responded to her growl, unwilling to soothe her anger when his own boiled just beneath his flesh. It was disgusting, his memories of his time with the violet woman. He was at his weakest point, mentally. And she fed upon it. Her ghoul, her tool, her trump card. It was fucking infuriating.
Hysteria attempted to take hold of him again as he finished speaking. He could almost imagine the terror take shape as it ate away at him. His mind, probably. It seemed like everything and everyone wanted to fuck with that, right? He returned his gaze to her, ignoring the falls for the moment- what sort of fool would he be to do such a thing in front of his wife?.. The thoughts, the sickness; It was hungry for his demise, and to reject it meant to suffer and prolong the inevitable... but pain was something he was accustomed to. Turbulent emeralds widened as she came closer, and for a moment he stopped breathing. Her paw came to rest upon his own, the action... bringing a memory to the forefront of his mind. He remembered words spoken, and they still rang true. "You’re stronger than me." He would say once again, the fear and the uncertainty that dwelled inside of him, purged at her touch. Her certainty, her confidence, all of it combatted his negative emotions. Was it enough? Was this bond they shared enough? He didn't know, but Caedes was never one to think too much. All he did know was that she had been the first to truly love him, and she proved it time and time again. "I still love you." The words fell from his scarred maw, entirely because she was and had always been the keeper of his heart. As ruined as it was, it was only for her. There had been many times where he denied being worthy of her, and a few moments when he tried to force her away with harsh words. 'It was all a game.' 'I'm a demon.' 'I'll only hurt you.' He remembered his cruelty as he stared into her golden eyes. After all their history together, he did not want to doubt her.. or push her away when he needed her the most. "I trust you. Always." Caedes said, making his choice; knowing it was the right one this time.
Grave.
Her snarl shook him to the core, and it rocked the very foundation of his world. It was impossible, but it had happened. Eris had never gotten so angry at him. But at the same time, she had never been blindly devoted to him. This was not so impossible as he would have believed so many seasons ago, in fact.. this was just right. However the words she said next destroyed him. 'You killed our son.' As if he had not blamed himself enough, as if he needed the words to strike him down. But Caedes was steadfast. So close to collapse, yet taking her words standing up. She was allowed to do this. She was allowed to be angry at him, to curse him, to hate him. All he could do was take her harsh words and hope it made her feel better.
And one she'd gone, he would take great care in giving their son a proper grave. Thinking all the while, how horrible it really was.. to bury your own child. One that should have lived long after both he and Eris had gone. Maybe it would've been easier if Eris had stayed, but the task of saying goodbye... of begging forgiveness before a grave marker fell to him. It all but killed him.
Last Rite
And so... as he did every time Loki had him by the throat, he unwound the thread of his soul and lay himself bare at the edge of her claws. The serpent remained where she was, skull pressed against his own, a mixture of blood and pain between them and she listened, the priest to his last rite and perhaps the only entity in this world or the next that could understand his lament in its entire fruition. She let him get it all out, she let him spill his soul like drops of acid but instead of burning her flesh, it only absorbed and twined into her bones. It strengthened her. It hardened her. It eradicated the last of her weakness, the last of her compassion and light and when he was done... the serpent drew back. Two pools of liquid, bubbling poison bore down on him with all the venom of heartless soul possessed. "Now you understand. You know the sharp cut of betrayal, the lingering toxic venom it leaves behind. Of all your sins, of all your regrets, I will always be your greatest... in this life and the next because I am the only one who embraced for what you were, not what you could be."
Loki dipped her skull, hot breath fanning across his flesh as she whispered in his ear. "I don't forgive you... but we're even." The tears had dried up, the emotions all but evaporated in a desert storm and in their place returned the malicious venom that fueled the core of the blackened serpent. She gave him one last breath, one last divine inhale and then... she struck, her jaws splayed wide, her teeth tore into flesh and muscle and in one condemning bite she divested him of jugular and trachea. She drew back, dropping the remnants of sinew and organ like a macabre painting but unlike she who died alone.... she stayed and watched until her brother drew his last breath and lay still. The beginning of her vengeance started here and from this point, it would only grow more cold. The serpent twisted, drenched in his blood, drenched in his death and made her way back to her den... the trail of blood marking her way home.
FAMILY TREE
Mother: Vrah Praedātiō, deceased- killed by Caedes.
Father: Akuji Praedātiō, deceased- killed by Caedes.
Siblings: No littermates. Half siblings on his father's side. Full siblings include: Theron Praedātiō, alive. Daegan Praedātiō, alive. Balthezar Praedātiō, alive. Renenet Praedātiō, alive.
Mate: Eris
-Previous Mate(s): -
Offspring: (Litter w/ ?)
, alive. (Litter w/ Eris) Crescentius, alive. Daedalus, alive. Bellatrix, alive. Dionysus, deceased. Sebastian, alive. Kelpie, alive. (Litter w/ Blade Saxe) Ravana, deceased. Lykaon, alive. Elvira, deceased. Leviticus, deceased. -Adoptive Family: Lolita, alive. Loki, alive. Sleipnir, alive.
Other: Those with the last name of "Messor", Akuji’s disowned brother's side of the family.
THREADS
Last rite: www.practiceboard.com/834371ab
TABLES:
Dead cae: www.practiceboard.com/45deae3c
weak&powerless: www.practiceboard.com/510af2d7
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I hope everybody is doing good still! 